no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize