If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
