Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
