so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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