The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize