Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
