bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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