apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
