Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
