She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
