FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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