that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize