your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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