Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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