she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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