Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
