okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
