Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
