And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize