I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
