WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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