You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
