and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
