Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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