He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
