Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
