I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
