he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
