Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
