If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
