Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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