I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
