It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
