Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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