i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
