People in love make me want to vomit
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
