At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
