Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
