question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
