Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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