the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
