Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
