That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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