im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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