she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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