My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
