Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
