I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have post one night stand depression
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