i permit you to call me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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