I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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