we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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