There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
