So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
