He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
