we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
