I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
