she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
