i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
