so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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