12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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