Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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