i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
