Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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