I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
