...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize