So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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